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Category Archives: For Fun/Just Because

Ever Sneeze So Hard You Pee Your Pants?


Okay, so, this is the fourth time I’ve been pregnant.  Now, they’ll tell you (and you’ve probably heard this, or experienced it, if you’ve ever been pregnant) that you may wet yourself, particularly in the last trimester, when you laugh, cough, sneeze, etc.

Thankfully, I had never actually experienced this phenomenon.  I understood the concept, and I felt sorry for the women who did have to experience this embarrassing moment, but it had never happened to me… until now…

I have a little cold.  Nothing major.  I’m just a bit more fatigued than usual, with a (rare) cough.

Last night, sitting in my horrible-for-my-butt computer chair, mucking about on Twitter — I sneezed.  This was no baby sneeze.  This wasn’t some ladylike achoo.  This was tornado force winds exiting my face!

Seriously – I was dizzy afterward.

In the same moment that my face exploded, a tell-tale gush informed me that, in no uncertain terms, I had wet myself.

Crap!  So, I got up from my computer chair and started waddling to the bathroom.

On the way to clean myself up, I ran in to my other half.

“What’s with you?” he asks.

“I just sneezed so hard, I peed my pants.”

He starts laughing hysterically at me.  Then, he looks down, his smile fades, the laughter stops.

“Hey!  Those are MY pants!”

“Okay, fine, so I just sneezed so hard I peed YOUR pants.”

Who’s laughing now?!

 
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Posted by on December 12, 2011 in All, For Fun/Just Because

 

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A Letter to Santa…


Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good girl this year, so…

What?

Stop laughing!

Okay, fine, I’ll grant you that “good” is a highly subjective term.  But I haven’t strangled my hubby, I haven’t hung my children from the ceiling fan by their toes, and whatever the cats may have told you — I have not threatened to drop them off at a Vietnamese restaurant!  (Cats are crazy, you know that — don’t trust them!)

*ahem*

The point is, I haven’t done anything that should land me on the naughty list.  Surely you have bigger fish to fry there.  So, I shouldn’t have to settle for coal, or snowman poop, or whatever it is you’re giving out to the girls and boys on that list these days.

So… I have compiled a short, reasonable, eight-item list of presents I would like to see wrapped up under my tree this year.

1) A computer, impervious to viruses, that never crashes or inexplicably loses any of my hard work.

2) Dishes and clothes that wash themselves.

3) A magical elf who will finish my manuscript for me.

4) A microchip-implant that will enable my son to skip his “terrible twos”.

5) A gift certificate for one pain-free childbirth experience.

6) A one-year supply of chocolate (you could put this on a yearly subscription plan actually)

7) That Easy Bake oven that SOMEONE (I won’t say who) forgot to give me twenty-some-odd years ago.

8) Johnny Depp — wrapping not necessary.  (What?  I don’t want the guy to suffocate or anything!)

I’m sure there’s nothing on the list that’s too hard for Santa to make happen.  Miracle on 34th Street proved that you really can do anything.  And, it’s not like I’m asking you to walk on water or anything.  Although, if you DO decide to do that – have Mrs. Clause record that stunt, and shove the DVD in my stocking, would ya?

Pet the reindeer for me!

Thanks,

A. W. Omyn

 
11 Comments

Posted by on December 10, 2011 in All, For Fun/Just Because

 

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Never Even Heard of Peter Pan… Really?


So, the other day, the kids had a play date with their younger uncle.  Yes, my girls have a “baby uncle”.  It’s a little weird, but I digress.

His nanny brought him over and I decided to put on the newest (to my knowledge anyway) Peter Pan movie.  It’s live-action, fun, visually striking, and did accomplish my goal of having at least one of the kids beg to read the book.

The kids started getting into the movie, gleefully watching Peter, Wendy, John, and Micheal ready themselves for their adventure.  To be fair, this was supposed to be a play date, and I hadn’t thought about the fact that the kids were enjoying the movie so much, they weren’t actually playing anymore. I was just hoping they’d enjoy it enough to read J. M. Barrie’s book!

Apparently, little mister baby-uncle couldn’t stay too long – he had another play date scheduled for later that afternoon.  So, his nanny (a middle aged woman, in her thirties or forties, who grew up in Europe, and has lived in the U.S. for quite some time now) asks me if the movie is almost over.

This is how that conversation went…

Nanny: “Is this movie almost over?”

Me: “They just flew off to Neverland”

Nanny: *blank stare*

Me: “You know… Neverland?”

Nanny:”Oh, I’ve never seen this movie before.”

Me: “Okay, but it’s Peter Pan.”

Nanny: *blank stare*

Me: “Peter Pan…. the story?  The book?”

Nanny: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Nanny: “I never read the book.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just a little shocked.  Umm, no, it’s not almost over…”

We ended up turning off the movie, to encourage the kids to play outside, take a walk, and hang out before their uncle had to leave.

I’m still a little shocked.  I honestly had NO idea there was anyone who hadn’t heard of Peter Pan.

I mean – okay, you haven’t seen one of the movies.  Not a big movie watcher, they didn’t make any movies based on Peter Pan in your country of origin, you simply weren’t interested, whatever.  I can understand that.

You haven’t read the book.  Okay.  No problem, I can understand that as well.  Still makes me a little sad.  But, again, everyone’s tastes are different, maybe the book was highly unpopular where you grew up, maybe you thought the story sounded dull or weird, whatever.

You haven’t seen the play, and your school never did the play.  Again, I can get it.

But… you’ve NEVER even heard of Peter Pan… or Neverland… or J. M. Barrie… NEVER?

She’s lived in America (where I happen to know this is a popular story) for quite some time now, and she’s been around (on this Earth) for longer than ten minutes, so I’m having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that NO ONE she’s EVER run into has even made a reference to something as classic as Peter Pan.

This is classic literature we’re talking about.  As I pointed out to her, this isn’t even an “American” book.  It was written in the 1800’s, in England.  So, America can’t be the ONLY place were this is still a classic.

And, she’s a nanny!  She takes care of an American child!  You’re telling me that some, even adapted, version of Peter Pan isn’t on the book shelf, the Disneyized version isn’t in the DVD player, and there’s NEVER been a conversation, in a house with a child, that so much as referenced SOMETHING to do with Peter Pan… really?  Seriously?

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 8, 2011 in All, For Fun/Just Because

 

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He Who Walks Behind the Rose


It’s after midnight, the kids are in bed, and I was raised watching horror movies.  So, of course, I picked a horror movie to watch, while I should be doing a million other, far more productive, things — Children of the Corn.

While the psychotic children were going on about “He who walks behind the rows”, I started laughing to myself, reminded of the first time I saw this movie, as a child.

I remember spending the ENTIRE film thinking, Where is this rose everyone keeps talking about?  What does corn have to do with roses?  Roses don’t even grow on corn.  What’s wrong with Stephen King?  I’m a kid and even I know that roses don’t grow in corn fields.  I don’t get it…

I probably should have been scared.  It’s a horror movie, after all.  Kids who run about killing their parents should have shocked, or at least upset, me.  But, I just kept obsessing over that friggin’ rose — looking everywhere for it, waiting for some monster, hiding behind a rose, to pop up out of nowhere.  He never appeared.  There was no rose.

At the end of the film, I turned to my father.  I was very upset.  It was like false advertising!  How was anyone supposed to understand this movie, when the villain didn’t have anything to do with the supposed rose everyone kept referencing?!

So, I yelled, “WHAT ROSE? ALL I SAW WAS CORN!”

My father cracked up, after a moment of confusion, when he realized that I was talking about the flower. “The rows of corn,” he said.

“huh?”

“Corn rows — rows of corn in the field.  That’s what they were talking about.”

“OOOOOHHHH – ‘He who walks behind the ROWS’…”

Had I read the book, rather than just watching the movie version, I would have understood.  But, hearing it, without seeing the spelling, my child’s mind immediately jumped to exactly what it sounded like.  They kept talking about a rose that didn’t exist… stupid rose…

 
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Posted by on December 7, 2011 in All, For Fun/Just Because

 

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Angel Vs. Spike


**Contains Buffy the Vampire Slayer (series) & Angel (series) Spoilers**

So, I have Netflix and they have most of the Buffy episodes available. Because I was a fan of Buffy when it originally aired (in fact, I’m a fan of Joss Whedon in general), I’ve been happily watching, or rewatching, the show.

Am I the only one who found Spike the more appealing vampire-lover character?

Here are my reasons…

One, Spike has a more heart-wrenching back story. I can completely understand how and why he relished in taking revenge on those who tormented him while he was human. I can also see why he’s so sensitive, with the overly macho exterior.

Two, Angel had a soul forced upon him. When his soul is removed (which happens more than once within the two series – Buffy & Angel), he instantly turns back in to a sadistically evil demon. That, it would appear, is his base nature. Spike, on the other hand, actively and willfully seeks out obtaining a soul (to “become the man Buffy deserves”). Even while being technically “evil”, Spike is able to better control himself and his vampire urges. He willingly deals with unmentionable pain, enduring multiple tests in order to gain a soul and become a better person.

Three, Spike’s accent is just hot. Come on, it had to be said.

Now, with all that said, I do like the character of Angel. I was a fan of the Angel spin-off series too. His character had it’s own tragic story: knowing that he could become Angeles (the evil twin) at any moment, having to live with the memories of what Angeles has done, constantly trying to redeem himself for those actions (without ever feeling as though he might be able to), and so on.

 
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Posted by on November 24, 2011 in All, For Fun/Just Because

 

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