A Letter to Santa…

10 Dec

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good girl this year, so…


Stop laughing!

Okay, fine, I’ll grant you that “good” is a highly subjective term.  But I haven’t strangled my hubby, I haven’t hung my children from the ceiling fan by their toes, and whatever the cats may have told you — I have not threatened to drop them off at a Vietnamese restaurant!  (Cats are crazy, you know that — don’t trust them!)


The point is, I haven’t done anything that should land me on the naughty list.  Surely you have bigger fish to fry there.  So, I shouldn’t have to settle for coal, or snowman poop, or whatever it is you’re giving out to the girls and boys on that list these days.

So… I have compiled a short, reasonable, eight-item list of presents I would like to see wrapped up under my tree this year.

1) A computer, impervious to viruses, that never crashes or inexplicably loses any of my hard work.

2) Dishes and clothes that wash themselves.

3) A magical elf who will finish my manuscript for me.

4) A microchip-implant that will enable my son to skip his “terrible twos”.

5) A gift certificate for one pain-free childbirth experience.

6) A one-year supply of chocolate (you could put this on a yearly subscription plan actually)

7) That Easy Bake oven that SOMEONE (I won’t say who) forgot to give me twenty-some-odd years ago.

8) Johnny Depp — wrapping not necessary.  (What?  I don’t want the guy to suffocate or anything!)

I’m sure there’s nothing on the list that’s too hard for Santa to make happen.  Miracle on 34th Street proved that you really can do anything.  And, it’s not like I’m asking you to walk on water or anything.  Although, if you DO decide to do that – have Mrs. Clause record that stunt, and shove the DVD in my stocking, would ya?

Pet the reindeer for me!


A. W. Omyn


Posted by on December 10, 2011 in All, For Fun/Just Because


Tags: , , , , , ,

11 responses to “A Letter to Santa…

  1. Heather C.

    December 10, 2011 at 2:23 am

    Hey, if you happen to bump into Santa somewhere – put in a good word for me to get one of those “pain free childbirth experiences”. Thanks!!

    • A. W. Omyn

      December 10, 2011 at 5:36 am

      That’s the one I need the most this year. I’m due in February, so that gift certificate would be REALLY comforting right about now.

  2. mygurlywayz

    December 11, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Haha!! I love this list! I don’t need number 5, I’m done with that business, but I’ll take one of everything else. 😛

    • A. W. Omyn

      December 11, 2011 at 7:38 am


      Alas, I am not done yet. I have my second boy, in February (I’m actually due only 4 days prior to my eldest daughter’s birthday, lol). That will be 2 girls and 2 boys. Yep – pretty sure I’ve collected the whole set!

  3. Wren Andre

    December 12, 2011 at 6:43 am

    What? You didn’t get the easy bake oven? Are you sure? lol…

  4. Joanna

    December 20, 2011 at 7:29 am

    I like number 6 and 8 on your list. I would love me some chocolate and Johnny Depp. My god, that man is fine!


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